MY DAD




When I was in Verona, Italy few weeks ago my dad gave me a talk about the end of his life.
He told me that he’s certain that a soul exists because he could see it leave the body of the many people he saw when they were dyeing and that he wants me to know that I’ve made him very proud in the way I’ve been living my life.
All I could say is that it’s not that I would wake up each morning with the plan to do something to make him proud of me, I actually always did everything the way I could imagine he would have done it himself, so if he’s proud of me he must be very proud of himself too because he is the one who gave to me the parameters against which measure the efficacy of words or actions.
He just got a surgery to repair the hip femur he had broken in a fall in his yard and much to everyone’s relief the surgery went well, now he’s going to have to do very much rehab to reinforce naturally both the bones and the muscles.
He told me that I’m the one who inspires me all the time because I’ve been fighting with everything I have to recover as much as possible my TBI, so we kind of agreed that even if he’ll have to use a wheelchair he’ll do it thinking of me all the time.
All I could say is that I’d rather have had my accident 40 years later because to be forced to be on a wheelchair “in the middle of walk of life”( or about 40y/o as D. Alighieri wrote in his Divine Comedy) is a nightmare that adds to the insult to have lost forever a wonderful wife who’s mother of my Lingiardi treasures who will never forget that I’m their sole real father, no matter what they are being forced to think.
I asked my dad to – if he dies – come to me as a soul and help me to walk again and believe even more that God is real, a father figure who cares for us all as His children, so no challenges we have in our lives are anything that we are unable to cope with.
My dad has done his surgery successfully so even if I didn’t need to see his soul I got back my faith in God, that just by itself is huge because only when you make the willing decision to believe in God you can be forgiven of all your sins and recover from anything.
Thank you dad, I’m glad you are still here with/for us and you encouraged my return to the Catholic faith.

ABOUT ANGER



It may be that my physical recovery is taking such a long time because I have a substrate of mad anger for the accident and all I’ve lost with it.
To list my losses would be too long and unproductive because nothing can be done to make any correction to anything or anyone.
However I’m told that when I can channel my big and unforgiving anger in the positive direction of recovery, many things will start happening more easily for me.
To smoothen and re-channel my anger is way easier said than done because I’m not only mad at the kid who ran me over, but also to my former doctor who took my wife – as a lover - and children – as father figure - like I never even existed .
In addition my very reason to exist – that’s to work and earn increasing amounts of money to give comfort to my family – has been gone for more than 6 years and if it’ll return, it will be in 3 to 4 more years.
So every morning when I wake up after a good night of sleep I start brewing over my losses and my current life as a single man who never can see his children and cannot work and/or earn any money and must keep the focus on recovering from an injury that no doctor in the world believes to be recoverable. I’d want to see what anyone else would do if in my place.
I’ve been thinking for years that I could find a way to repair my injured brain somewhere in the world, eventually but my own Italian family, that’s full of real MD’s has told me that nothing exists for that.
So as a result I rejected the idea of the existence of a “good father God” and I went through my period of atheism, or refusal of the concept of a supernatural being who gave a beginning and reason to exist to everything we see. I've really been thinking of this concept of my anger being such a big obstacle to my improvement (or return to normality) and since the word “impossible” never existed for me I’m going to try to get rid of my anger and keep working hard on what’s called an impossible recovery. I know already that my recovery is surely be real soon, because the impossible doesn’t exist.

http://scopeblog.stanford.edu/2011/08/brains-inability-to-create-new-neurons-can-lead-to-depression-unmanageable-stress/

DO UT DES


I give that you may give is the principle of reciprocity. It expresses the reciprocity of exchange between human being and deity, reflecting the importance of gift-giving as a mutual obligation in ancient society and the contractual nature of Roman religion. The gifts offered by the human being take the form of sacrifice, with the expectation that the God will return something of value, prompting gratitude and further sacrifices in a perpetuating cycle. The do ut des principle is particularly active in magic and private ritual. Do ut des was also a judicial concept of contract law.
As the result of the ancient Romans this has been my own “mantra” of life, “I do nothing if I don’t expect something of value in return” and I’ve been thinking and doing like this since I was very young, at school and in career because good voting and more money have always been a very good compensation for every effort I’ve ever made.
So I’m now wondering very much about what I may receive as compensation for having given everything I ever worked and cared for in my life.
Not only I lost the ability to work and earn money, but I lost – maybe forever – my wife and my children who I can only see for few hours once a week. Growing up as a Catholic in the country of the Vatican I was taught that God is a just Father and many tell me that I’m still living only because I made a deal with Jesus while in a coma.
I don’t however have any clue of what could be the compensation promised to stay here on Earth “with pain” (as Jesus told me, I’m told) unless I’m so blind that I can’t see that my own treasures do deserve to have their true father teach and guide them through the life challenges, that are probably going to grow as they too grow up.

THE HOLE IN MY HEART

The plenty people who love and care for me keep telling me to forget about my former wife and move on, I really want to do it soon but since by abandoning and replacing me in the time of maximum need of help and support, she left a big gaping hole in my heart that can only be taken care of by filling it with someone else’s love.

So while in Italy I’ve given mandate to several people who have known me for years to find a woman for me to fall in love with and to marry.

Given that Ventura is in California and in-between LA and Santa Barbara I don’t expect to have to wait for too long, I too need to move on with my life and replacing the hole left by the abandonment of my love with a new one is surely going to help my recovery and since this new love is going to be Italian she’s going to be the mother figure who teaches my treasures the language and its culture, that’s at the basis of today’s culture.

The people/my friends who are working on this do know me very well and have taken this commitment as their way to help me recover a decent life.

The privileges afforded by the current communication tools (email and/or Skype) are going to make it very easy to know and understand each other before even taking the overseas trip, so having my treasures as first priority I’ll be sure that their future mother-figure will be at the level that I consider optimal.

My treasures have been living already with a “father figure” who won’t even compare to the mother figure I’m going to choose.

It seems to me that the future is going to be very pleasant and my recovery will go even further than now.

ME AT WORK

Without writing a resume I’m going to give an idea of how I came to California as president of TEVA sandals http://www.teva.com/index.aspx It was 1996 when I asked to be transferred to the USA by the company that I had worked for 4 years already which was http://www.gore.com/en_xx/ I had the position of business leadership of the footwear segment and the fact that many Italian shoe manufacturers had distributors here plus that many American companies had productions in Italy made my presence at the worldwide headquarters of Gore very convenient because I was able to understand the reason of certain decisions made by either party and make sure that the business could grow for all involved. Being able to directly communicate with the Italians was certainly a big plus because even communicating in good English doesn’t allow to get the feeling of what really matters sometimes. After I took a presidency level position at GEOX US. http://www.geox.com/ I introduced this brand in the American distribution market. In this company I learned how to be in complete charge of a business, from distribution to marketing to finances with an eye on legal matters. It was September of 2003 when I moved with my family to the beautiful Lyme in NH to work as VP of the footwear division of Tecnica USA http://www.tecnicausa.com/ Where I worked until I went to work at TEVA in Santa Barbara.






Here are few links about my career:

• http://www.advfn.com/news_Deckers-Outdoor-Appoints-Carlo-Lingiardi-as-Teva-Brand-President_12162790.html





• http://www.allbusiness.com/retail-trade/miscellaneous-retail-miscellaneous/4478609-1.html





• http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0EIN/is_2005_August_12/ai_n14891494/





• http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Deckers+Outdoor+Appoints+Carlo+Lingiardi+as+Teva+Brand+President-a0135061089



• http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1G1-135475768.html





• http://www.allbusiness.com/retail-trade/miscellaneous-retail-miscellaneous/4449297-1.html



• http://business.highbeam.com/Search?searchTerm=carlo+lingiardi&searchType=Article&currentPage=0&orderBy=

GOD, ECONOMY AND GRAVITATIONAL LAW

I know that I must have given the impression that I have a weird concept of God, for excuse I can only say that being born in the very Catholic Italy and having been taught since very young that God is an omnipotent father who always does the best in our lives.

When my accident happened I felt that I had reached the very top of all I ever wanted and worked for in my life.

So immediately after coming out of the coma I was convinced to have committed a horrible sin that to me could only be unfaithful to my wife, of that time.

So I started to ask to most of the women I ever worked with if I ever had been inappropriate and I was always and only told that my presence was like having a body guard, nobody would dare to even make an off-color joke to women while I was present.

So I soon eliminated the concept of being punished for something I had done and this increased my rage against “the good father God” and I went through what I now call an “atheistic period”.

However after having been in my mother country, Italy for about one month and having talked with people of faith with intelligence and experience superior to mine, I now realize that only a primary creator, or initiator could have put some order in this universe and its prove is in the universal gravitational law, that always exists everywhere.

Following this concept I have developed the idea that the supremacy of our county, the USA is affected by that law and “soon” (relative to eternity) our country will re-take its position in the global economy.

I go so far to even predict that our next new president will ride a wave of economical return and order making, the USA will return to be as efficient in producing wealth as it has always been and I only have words of encouragement for the companies that don’t have the predicted results, it’s just a blip in the life of a functioning enterprise/system and it’ll all return to be as expected and wanted.

HUMAN BRAIN AND GOD

After more than 6 years fighting to recover from TBI I now realize – but can’t accept – that the medicine “science” still has no clue on how to reform dead neurons or create new pathways for the brain to rewire itself around an injury. I’ve spent very much money in dreams - just like HBOT – and immensely in big hopes that got all frustrated. I believe that repairing an injured organ like the brain is the next frontier of human kind and I keep reading of thinkers of high level that say that our brain is the real God, because it makes miracles happen since centuries and science labels these phenomena with the term miracle, only because no scientific or reasonable explanation can be given.

So now that I know that my God can’t ever be fixed I’m looking for something to do to give meaning to my life and become interesting again.

There exists not enough money in the whole world to repair God, so I’m going to try to recover to the point that I can earn by working again to provide for my children/treasures. I’m convinced that they are my way to immortality because what they learn and remember of me will be for many years to come in their memories and will affect their decisions and reactions in their lives.



Even if in their memories I’ll be the “poor disabled dad” I intend to prove that even God can be readjusted to allow a rich and peaceful existence and this is exactly what I want to teach by example to my treasures.

OUR FAMILY IN ITALY

This is me with my sister zia Anna, my mother/nonna and your cousins Giorgio and Lorenzo.

I’ve had a very good time with my family from Milan today, we remembered together summer vacations we did in many beautiful places in the Mediterranean, places we saw and learned about plus some strange people we encountered in our travels to go to those vacations spots.



Remembering those times made us feel much younger with the same enthusiasm we always still now have about life and novelties.

The father of my cousins Alba and Vittorio was the CEO of the car company Alfa Romeo and was always a very strict teacher of math for his children/my cousins and his brother Gianfranco, my dad and your nonno.

Alba now owns a store of Arabic objects and arts and Vittorio is an university professor of psychology in Rome and came to Santa Barbara from Milan when I first had the accident.

Since he is a very important university professor he knows well many neurologists and I therefore asked him to find out about certain therapies that I’m hoping can make my life easier and with less pain.

My biggest pain however isn’t one that can be treated by medications, it’s about not being with you both and not teaching you all our history and culture that goes back several hundreds of years.

This has now become my main life goal, I want you to feel to be completely part of the Lingiardi family and build relationships across the world just like I did.

This is the kind of culture and connections that can make your life enjoyable and easier to live and this is my promise to you.

MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS





As I’m in Verona (where I grew up) many of my High School classmates heard of me being here and organized a dinner out all together.
To my pleased amazement I didn’t at all feel to be disabled, we laughed and talked for hours about our “adventures” while getting mature and older.
I can’t even begin to give names and nicknames of my friends because impossible to translate in English but to use and remember their creation really made us all laugh very hard for hours.
The one thing that shocked me most is to see my former lass-mates talk and act just like they were doing 30 years ago.
I felt completely to be still a teenager very excited about the future with all its possibilities.
In short it’s been extremely clear to me that I left many good memories in my classmates and that even if life can be unfair at times, what really always matters is the positive attitude to things to come and the personal ability to change all we can or want.
This is the picture of the 5th year class, section B some of us are married, some with kids and others have lost either their own parents or even brothers or sisters already.
Most importantly everyone still has the same teenage appreciation of fun and experiencing such stability, with their support and encouragement took decades away from my soul.

MY VENETIAN FAMILY


This is my own family in Italy. I haven’t seen them in about 10 years, therefore it’s grown, many nephews and other very young children who are related to me through my cousins or other parts of my family.
It’s been a very happy meeting event with both old and new faces all happy to see me again, after having feared never to see me again.
Most of my joy is to see so many members of my extended family who are going to bring forward my culture, history and taste for various arts and cultures.
It’s my intention to reinforce and create relationships between all these new members of my family with my own children who being American know and see or study very little of what makes them special people of this new millennium.
In this picture I’m surrounded by my parents and closest cousins, who I put under the label of “venetian”, since they all both live very close to Venice and descend from the same grandparents who lived in Venice.
I remember growing up with them all and spending summer vacation in the same locations, besides going to the same kinds of high schools, even if we all took different degrees ad jobs.
This was my day of memories of all types, mostly good though because they are about pranks done together while teenagers.
The great advantage of all my nephews who live in Italy is that when they study history at school they can see and touch for real what the ancient cultures and people left for the future generations to experience, in fact I can still remember well my teacher of Latin and Italian literatures pointing out places and/or buildings in town not very far from us to exemplify the concepts of what he was teaching to us.
This is the unique legacy that I can give to my treasures, who can see, learn and experience the unique country that founded the whole Western culture, or our current way to see and understand the life in our world today.
Soon I’m going to have my treasures meet and spend time with their cousins here, so they will feel and understand the importance of their family ties, that are Italian just like their father who loves them so much that needs to share the wealth of culture I brought with me.

CLIMB THE EVEREST




A former colleague who is one of my best friends told me, that me going to Italy is just like I’m going to climb the Everest.
I told him that it must be a very low hill then, because I’m going to start to travel again and I’ll be travelling both by myself, as in the past, and with my children who are going to meet their cousins and our extended Italian family soon, so that their Italian spoken language improves to perfection and they can become familiar with my country of origin that represents the history of all Western culture in every art and science.
Life has certainly put in front of me a very tough Everest to climb but even if it’s been taking a big effort and long time I’m going to climb it and reach its top like any other Everest that life put on my life path before.
While I will reconnect with the many relatives who expect to see me, I’m also going to spend time with several of my friends and classmates of my teenage years and I hope to be able to find a job where I can add my international experience and management skills. It’s well known that to climb the Everest much preparation, money and some luck are required, but my climb is going to be like a walk in the park because it’s going to confirm my complete recovery.

REALIZATION



As my brain keeps healing I’m realizing that even if everything would have remained normal I would have divorced anyway the mother of my treasures, my ordeal is that I had to do it when in my weakest moment of complete need for help and support.
All I see now is that this dysfunctional woman grew up without any idea of (marital) commitments and motherly directions that can be passed on by example to my treasures.
I can now understand that her saying that my love for her is the result on my TBI, in fact my egotistic nature didn’t make me accept to be abandoned and replaced in my greatest moment of need.
Now she lives with her lover, who cannot show any better qualities than hers, and while I’m very glad to have eliminated her from my life, my focus remains only on “saving” my treasures from that ugly influence, so I’m planning in few years to find a new companion with similar background and morality to mine who could take the position of “mother figure” for my treasures who hopefully aren’t going to learn anything at all from their “parental figures”.
When I look at the picture here I cannot believe that I was very content to be together with her and my children, I felt like a “non-existing connection” was re-established, while she was living already with her lover using my treasures as her tool to suck money out of me and lying to everyone who cared for me.
For too long of a time I was blind to her real nature but all my friends and family weren’t confused by her beauty and terminated any friendly relationship with her.
So as I’ve said before she’s now lonely in the whole world herself because abandonment is a 2 edged sword.

STRENGTH AND WEAKNESS




I can’t stop to think to the reaction of the love of my life to my sudden disability to be supportive and the provider of comfort of all kinds (safety, financial and social).
I realize that she wasn’t born with any strength of character and self-confidence and I started to think of what I could have done to give to her what she needs most even now.
Unfortunately strength of character and self-confidence cannot be taught with words but only with examples given when times get to be tougher than normal.
I learned my own strength from my parents while growing up and self-confidence was added by my successes in sports, studies and work/career. So I had plenty of them all, but sadly I had thought that my qualities could be passed on to my companion just by having an open heart and honest conversations (love?).
Sadly I now realize that I didn’t influence her with any of these qualities, in fact as soon as she realized to have lost (maybe forever) me and my qualities, she bailed out and went to live with someone else in order to maintain her social status, residency and wealth (still all from me only).
She tells me of her pain for all that was lost with my accident while all I can think is that she could still have everything she had before, if she could only accept not to have my physical strength to protect her anymore. I always want to ask her to return to live with me, but mine is just a fantasy because I never gave to her much strength nor any self-confidence and her actions after my accident made her even weaker and more self-depreciating.
All I can do now is to inspire, with the example of my fight to recover, that if someone believes in him/herself everything can happen no matter how hard or difficult.
While I know that I do inspire constantly people who know me, I must face the reality that the love of my life is too comfortable and weak to make any effort to make a change to the life she chose to have and help me and herself to be better.

MY WALKING


Too slowly but inevitably I now understand that my walking isn’t the barrier I thought it was to have a normal life again.
A very important and experienced neurologist of UCLA told me few months ago, while looking at every single MRI I ever did since my accident, that the injured part in my brain is the motor cortex and I therefore should start working again, plus since I’m a Ph. D. in economics I may help this country to exit the crisis it’s in.
Also dr. Harch, the father of HBOT told me once when looking at my SPECT scan that I may never be able to walk again because HBOT can’t do miracles.
In addition looking at all the tools available for people disabled in the walking, like electric wheelchairs or even sidewalk ramps, it’s now clear for me to see that even if medicine hasn’t yet figured out how to repair an injured brain I can live a productive life again even without the walking, taking advantage of the tools that exist for people like me.
I’m now looking to buy an electric wheelchair to have when I’ll be back from Italy and while there, I’ll look for some job to do where my experience and knowledge can help my employer make the difference.
Nobody knows what scientific progress will bring in terms of brain repair in the future, but since – as Dante A. says – I’m in the middle of my walk of life, or I’m “just” 48 my hopes remain high that in not too many years a way will be found to repair the brain motor cortex when injured.
So now I’m getting rid of my big frustrations about the walking and put my focus, energy and money in having tools that can help me to live a productive life again even from a wheelchair.

PITIFUL

An example of my constant struggle to learn to walk again, like a 2 years old.

Shoulder massage

HAPPINESS



Even if overall I’m not at all the man I want to be and was, I’m both glad to still be alive and be surrounded by much love and care/concern.
My own aging parents call me each day around noon while my sister has taken over the power of attorney both financial and medical, so in a way I live very well protected by someone who has no interest in my money and anything I still owe.
In few days I’m going to be in Italy to see my entire family that I haven’t see for at least 10 years and I’m also going to meet again friends who I still connect with by email now but who I used to be with when I was just a teenager in high school.
I’m hoping this to be the beginning of my connection with my mother-country and that my own children will go to Italy again with me to rediscover their roots that come from my genes.
I also hope to find the way to return to be mobile and figure out how to work again. Italy can still bring in the USA plenty products or skills that can be very helpful to put the USA back where they have been always and should be now.
Even if I lost my wife to someone else I have my own children and their love plus I have the honest love of many other people who never stop to think of ways to help or support me.
So my happiness is real because based on real people with real feelings and this mix is going to help me get much better soon, so that I’m going to be able to be at the side of my children as they mature and face the challenges of life.

GENEROSITY

When I was working at W.L.Gore & Associates I went to do trunk shows about shoes with Gore-Tex inside at the TipTop shoes store in New York and I became very friendly with this store owner Danny.
We have been keeping in email contact for very many years throughout my career and moves across this country and very recently he made a donation for my upcoming trip to Italy using this link on the right to my fund made by the former NTAF.
I cannot express the gratitude I have for this man who not only is famous in the shoe industry but can understand very well the challenges of disabled people such as me.
His donation has given to me more drive to return to work in the footwear industry because I want to show with facts my gratitude to him.
Of the very many people I’ve met when working Danny has always had a special spot in my mind, not only because the place and success of his store, but also because of his great knowledge of the taste of consumers and the qualities of each and every brand he sells, the variety of brands and extensions of their collections make shopping in his store almost a learning experience in footwear culture and his employees are all very experienced and knowledgeable.
All I can say is “thank you Danny” and plan to give a special treatment when I’ll be back at work.

http://www.tiptopshoes.com/working/index.cfm?

LOST YOUTH



This is when I went on vacation in Corse in the summer of 1985, when I was a PADI scuba diving instructor and I used to fish with a spear gun for many hours each day exploring the coast over and under the water.
I have very many wonderful memories of my vacations when I was much younger, or about 20 years ago and besides those memories I can still remember very well the different people and cultures I came in contact with.
Besides the wealth of knowledge and experience that will never be forgotten because it’s part of who I am I do miss very much my physical strength and abilities in many sports.
As a swimmer I almost became a member of the Italian Olympic team of that time and besides scuba diving I was a very good skier that gave me the ability to be very comfortable to work at Tecnica in NH, close to Olympic slopes.
I used to have a body very adaptable and easy to train for something new and the fact that I can’t even walk now frustrates me very much, I can’t accept that a humanity that was able to walk on the moon still has no idea of what to do to repair an injured brain. I’ve always had a body very good in self-healing, I remember many times getting wounded or had a bone broken with all my doctors commenting with surprise how well and fast I had healed.
Even when I had to have surgery my recovery time and its outcome have always been borderline exceptional, so now that I’ve been unable to recover the brain injury for more than 6 years I really wonder where the medicine research is hiding.

MY BUSINESS FRIENDS




Pat and Dave are my former colleagues who worked with me for many years at the time when I introduced GEOX in the American market.
They travelled with me to Italy few times, Pat was the VP of sales while Dave was the product manager for the US market.
I’m amazed how close they are to me and at how much they have been helping me since my accident.
Pat now works at Brown Shoe Co. in Texas while Dave still manages very successful shoe retail store in Connecticut, and he’s going to come to help me return to California after my visit of next month. We are both going to fly first class on Virgin Atlantic and I’m shocked by his generosity and helpfulness.
I’ve been asking to Pat to find a job closer to me, but this economy certainly doesn’t help, I do however still hope that soon our economy will turn around thanks to the work and spirit of the American people.
The way I see the future of the worldwide economy develop is that while the USA will come out of this terrible crisis thanks to the initiative and creativity of the American people Europe is going to fall into the most terrible recession time in history, not only because no country has been able to capitalize on the strength of the Euro currency but very much because no country has reinforced their system of wealth creation and production methods, including the real estate management.
I’m sure that our next US president won’t go around the world to apologize for our capitalism, like Obama did, he will bring the message that wealth is the product of hard work (sweat) and intelligence.
I’m hoping that it’ll be my time to get back to work again and while I can’t think of what I may do I’m sure that I’ll reunite with my work partners Pat and Dave, to run together again a very successful business in the consumers product field.

MEMORIES THAT HURT




I received many pictures made by the police at the site of my accident; they are pics of my bike, the road and the Jeep that ran me over.
I put here just the one of my bike to show the destruction but I have some also of my helmet, glasses and of the road, all with my blood on.
I’ve been trying to have pictures of me and my head taken at the emergency room of the hospital, but I’m told that those pictures don’t exist because it isn’t something routinely done in such situations, so all I have are many MRI’s on several CD ‘s with voice comments of the doctors evaluating them.
I never stop being amazed by the advances in technology in every field that when compared to the inability of medicine science to repair an injured brain puts medicine at the age of dinosaurs, all that can be done after many hundreds of years of research is to give chemicals that make our body react in certain ways to repair a bacterial infection or heal a superficial wound.
Even if my bike was thrown away it could be fixed as new again, even if at a cost higher than a new one.
Mankind doesn’t have this option, it’s unthinkable to repair an injured brain, it doesn’t matter the cost.
This is the new frontier of medicine research and with the increase in TBI victims the first who’ll find the way to repair a brain (rather than simply prevent it) will become like the Einstein of the new millennium.

BACK TO ITALY

I’m now planning to go to my mother town, Verona to see my wonderful family and spend Easter with them.
My dear sister Anna – who’s always thinking of me – has told me already that I’m going to see cousins and family members who I haven’t seen in years.
I’m also in contact thanks to the internet (email, Skype) with several former classmates of my high school (Liceo) and I’ve planned already to get together and revive the good old times.
My dear assistant here in Ventura says that I’m going to remember the man I used to be maybe because she fears that I may forget all that she has been doing to help my rehabilitation.
While this to me is a joke I plan to feel part of a world that in a way I abandoned about 16 years ago to embrace America, that even if now in economical crisis is the undisputed leader of the world.
In fact while I see the struggles and attempts of our government to return to have a strong economy I’m seeing all the European countries inebriated by the strength of the Euro currency doing absolutely nothing to reinforce the infrastructures of their economies, so tat as soon as the US economy is going to get back in gear, Europe will return to be the old world that has always been and go through a recession probably worse than ours that will last much longer, it’s enough to look at what Greece is going through these days and I can’t see any other country close to Greece being in a better position, in my mind it’s like a time-bomb that’s going to explode with the surprise of all the victims who aren’t going to have a clue about what to do.
So I’m planning to come back to Ventura, not only for economical reasons but primarily because my children live here and even if they have my blood and genes they are completely American and will be part of the resurgence of the country.
My sister tells me that I’m going to taste the Italian foods and Verona wines again to get used to their taste because I’ve been eating “Italianiazed” food made here for too long and when I say that something tastes good I don’t know what I’m saying.
Bottom line it’s going to be kind of a resurrection for me to be home again, after so much pain for such a long time and I’m planning to tie again relationships that have loosened up due to my accident only.

ANNINA



Anna is the name of my younger sister (by 2 years) and while growing up she would be called with the diminutive “Annina” and I always tried to protect her and take care of her from real and imaginary dangers. The family joke is that she could marry the only man who I couldn’t scare away, well now it’s the turn of Annina to take care of me, her older brother.
She has recently taken the Power Of Attorney on me replacing in this a professional in the field of helping people unable to take care of themselves and their lives/interests.
She loves me only like a real sister can do and she’s married with a man named Luca who’s very supportive and understanding of her emotional pain for having lost her older brother, me.
She’s been calling me by phone every day and she always updates me on my various interests, still alive in both countries.
Having to deal in a foreign language with legal issues is certainly not easy but her determination to protect me goes beyond what people can imagine.
She understands of my frustrations and angers and (too) often I can hear her by phone sobbing for me and my miseries.
My accident created several losses for her too, she used to consider my ex-wife like a semi-sister and my divorce due to her cheating has caused her to lose this half-sister too.
She has twin boys who are in their teens and require lots of attention and energies daily, on top she’s the one who takes care of both my parents who are growing to be very old and need support too.
In my tragedy I realize how blessed I’ve always been, not only a very successful life but also a very sweet and caring sister, so I can really say that I’m really surrounded by love, that I can transfer to my own children who eventually will meet and get to know well their cousins in Italy so that the Lingiardi name and traditions will continue. Soon I’m going to spend Easter with her and my parents in Verona (Italy) and I’m planning this to be the first of a number of overseas trips to my country of origin later followed by trips with my children who have irreplaceable Italian blood in their veins because of me.
So the way I see this upcoming trip is the beginning of my new life after my death by brain injury and I must stop here because I could write a whole book with my plans for the years to come. Anna is one of the blessings that have made my life wonderful and bearable in the time of crisis and need. She has turned from protected to protector almost overnight while carrying the load of her own growing family and my aging parents.
Thanking her in words wouldn’t compare to the measure of the load that she’s been carrying, so my thank you is going to be tangible and real forever by getting close to her including all the children, who are cousins.

EGOTISM

Egotism means placing oneself at the center of one's world with no concern for others, including those loved or considered as "close," in any other terms except those set by the egotist.
It’s also the doctrine that holds that individuals are always motivated by self-interest and this is how my life always has been, my ex-wife says that she’d never want to return to live like the dog always sitting on a special mat and smiling for me.
This (too) many years of complete inactivity has given to me the time and opportunity to think to what I believed was my own life in perfection, or heaven, but the more I analyze my solitude and my never-ending attempts to recover, the more I can see that my life before the accident wasn’t perfect nor heavenly.
My egotistical mind kept being reinforced in my feeling of superiority to others by the constant overcoming what I called the impossible and winning each and every bet I ever made in life.
The inability to walk for someone who used to jog for 2 hours each day for fitness is impossible to describe in terms of pain for its loss, just like the loss of the family that I did create and took care at the best of my abilities. In this time of realization of egotism my children are going to learn from me about their Italian background and the generations of culture and traditions that make them special.
I must first surrender my egotistic thinking before I can appreciate what I’ve left of my previous life that was good.

I think that surrendering my egotism is what my dear friend and co-worker Pat meant when he told me that God wanted to teach me something with this accident and it isn’t a secret, it’s been in front of my eyes for years and all I have to do is see and understand it, which brings me back to my Catholic faith, that I had refused for years after the accident, I couldn’t conceive the concept of a Father God who gave up everything He loved to gain my love. A Father who loves me as he loves His Son Jesus.
My lesson however is a lesson of life, so not very light or easy to teach/learn and based on this I understand that if I surrender to God and act unselfishly I can move forward in my recovery.

SHOULDER SURGERY



I’m just back from a beautiful hospital where I had the surgical removal of the heterotopic ossification (muscle turned into bone) that my injured brain made happen about one year after the accident. I was convinced that the spasticity is a physical barrier that impedes the movement of the limbs and the ossification is a tougher barrier in the muscles movement, so I went into this surgery full of great hopes and much optimism, the surgeon who took away my ossification is very experienced in these types of surgery, he told me that he started doing them when specializing in sport surgery in PA 30 years ago and he has done hundreds of these types of surgery. I had been told that I would risk the drop of the shoulder or even that the ossification could happen again, but talking with this experienced surgeon and other important doctors in this field I learned that this ossification can happen only in the first 18 months after the TBI and the dropped shoulder is impossible because even if several tendons need to be detached from the bone the spasticity has kept the muscles in tension, so with tone. What’s however important is to begin very soon rehab with special equipment and I consider myself lucky because the local college has a course for disabled people with very new and sophisticated machine special for disabled people of many different kinds. In addition I have a gym where I live that I can use any time I want for as long as needed and I know already of 2 other places that specialize in rehab of injured people.
So in short next week I start with daily physical activity like I’ve always done in my life before the accident and I’m convinced that I’ll lose the extra weight accumulated in so many years of sitting on a wheelchair doing nothing but eating.

RECAPPING




My story goes like this: while happily riding my bicycle shortly after having taken the position of president of TEVA footwear I was struck by a kid driving his father’s car without the license and I had Traumatic Brain Injury, I was in a coma for 2 months and as I got out of it I was convinced that a TBI is just like a flue, people can recover and it’s all like it was before once recovered, I even told to my (now) ex-wife not to tell too much to my children because they were so young that they would forget about me being in a hospital for a long time.
I’ve been trying for more than 6 years to recover and all hell has broken loose in my life.
In short my ex-wife has abandoned me to replace me with my own doctor (who has done nothing illegal – as the medical board states) but not after having wasted my lifetime of savings while working and all my wealth in general.
Not only she now lives happily with my former doctor but she brought with her my children who are instructed by her that this lover is their father figure.
Now I also must be private with any and all medical procedures that I attempt to improve my disabilities, she would tell her lover/doctor and report to me all the possible bad outcomes of somebody trying them with an injured brain.
On top of this they both tell to my children that their real and beloved dad is never going to get better no matter what he says or tries to do, so I can’t even tell anything about what I do to them.
So basically I had to divorce and even if I’m the real victim the law says that since I was married for more than 10 years and I had kids with her I must give to her and my children 60% of my disability income.
In short I now must live by myself and have my adorable children visit me one day a week and not only I can’t help them in their studies but I must also guard what I tell them because my divorce stipulates that I can’t ever say anything about their mother and her lover.
I was lucky to find a caregiver who liked me so much that I now call my sister, however by being in the middle between me and my ex-wife, she has gotten so fed up of me and my life that she may abandon me, just like my ex-wife did.
In the impossible case that I may one day recover I’d have to look for someone else to be my companion in a life that I can’t wish to have to anybody.
In a way I now have even more reasons and justifications to end my own life as soon as I can.
In this long process I also lost my faith that was in the Catholic God, I actually lived through an atheistic period, but now I think like the ancient Romans did, after death there’s nothing, the idea of the existence of a soul that may have a life of itself after death is replaced by the human intelligence that never dies, it’s enough to think of people like Einstein, Raffaello or Dante Alighieri to know that even hundreds of years after they died their thoughts and intelligence still exist today.
So since my ancestors built organs that still today exist in some churches in Italy, I too am looking for something to do that will make my person/intelligence immortal besides the memory of my own dear children.

FASTER, BETTER



With the new year and my new life I upgraded the tool that I use to communicate and make informed plans all day long.
My previous desktop was a DELL that I had bought to replace a laptop of the same brand and that I had upgraded to be able to multitask with the programs, normally all functioning all at the same time.
This new one however has the latest and fastest Intel processor with a huge hard drive and all of this with the ATT Uverse connection that’s faster than DSL.
I’m still learning to get used to this desktop that I’ve nicknamed “monster” because it does anything I want perfectly and fast.
I must say that I’m very proud to have been able to make all the specs of my monster and I told them to the information technology engineer I hired to build it.
I also purchased a new camera with microphone and new speakers that make my piano music sound real.
I’m using this new package to talk and see my family in Italy every day with Skype and I’m amazed by the progress since the telephone.
I’m dreaming that in not too long teletransportation will become a reality, making airplanes obsolete and also brain repair will be like curing a flue. In short I see the future bringing very positive innovations and I feel ready to be part of it.

NEW DEVELOPMENT



Having done the surgery to elongate the Achilles tendon I’m expected to be able to walk with confidence but the spasticity I still have at the arm takes away my confidence and makes the pain still unbearable, so the other day I went to the Orthopedic Institute in LA where I had several X-rays done at the shoulder and I saw a very experienced surgeon who saw the large heterotopic ossification I have near the scapula and has treated cases like mine with surgery for several years already, starting on the East Coast in PA.
Then today I tested the Bioness stimulator for the leg, a system that delivers electrical stimulation in a precise sequence, which then activates the muscles to lift the foot to take a step. The result may be a more natural walking pattern (gait) combined with enhanced stability and confidence, this will help my brain reconnect its pathways with muscles and nerves to permanently restore my mobility, after the shoulder surgery I’m going to test the system for the arm too that stimulates the appropriate nerves and muscles of the forearm and hand and helps to reeducate brain signals to restore function in weak or paralyzed muscles.
In short my fight to regain control of the body is now being helped by innovative technologies that are going to help me rebuild scope and meaning of my life.

75 MONTHS


6 years and 3 months ago my life pretty much ended as I had lived and wanted it to be, so for the longest time after the coma I was convinced that my accident was a punishment from God for something I had done and in my mind only cheating on the love of my life, Michele could be a sin that deserves Godly punishment, however after having asked to almost all the women I ever worked with I was told that not only I was never improper but I was also someone who nobody would even think to make jokes to women in my presence.
So having eliminated the idea that my accident was a punishment from God for something I decided that no god exists and I became a real atheist, as such I concluded that my accident was just the bad luck of being in the wrong place at the wrong time and everything that has happened after is the expression of qualities and values of those close to me affecting my life.
I started to hate Michele’s lover, in my mind he’s someone who knows very well about brain injury and takes advantage of my tragedy only for personal gains and as such deserves my punishment with his life.
But now that with the new year my Catholic faith is back, mostly for realizing the real existence of Jesus and the worldwide power of the Catholic church I’m thinking that because of the immediate interruption of my leadership in life and that God had nothing to do with preventing my accident or shorten my recovery, it's just the attempt of mankind to humanize God that makes people think that by praying bad things can be avoided or that recovery becomes faster, I'm now convinced that the human brain has the real power to make miracles happen and that real God is the initiator and order-bringer to the universe.

A big vacuum was created with my sudden inability to be present and that confused every person who knew me and made them act irrationally and without any hope of my possible recovery.
So what now fills my soul is pity for those who by losing me lost their sense of direction and ability to distinguish right from wrong, 2012 is going to be the year not only of my return to my productive and caring life but also the chance for those who abandoned me to return in my care and thoughts.

MOBILITY



After hoping and waiting for 3 years to regain independent walking ability I’m now am testing an electric wheelchair and experiencing already wide range mobility and independence, soon I’ll do my own grocery shopping and take my children to the nearby mall to shop and eat in a nice place.
Now that I know how much independence and options to do things I realize that I’ve been a dreamer for too long, maybe I’ll never walk again but nothing will stop me to do what I want.
In few weeks I’ll know my out-of-pocket expense is going to be to have this electric wheelchair be mine and I still hope that your donations will make it much easier.

CHARITY



It was in July of this year that I opened a donations account with NTAF, now called HelpHopeLive and I was very hopeful to receive substantial donations from companies that I either worked for or did business with especially because each dollar donated to me can be deducted from corporate taxes that must be even paid quarterly.
As I’ve said before this is to me the best way to regain control on how our tax money is used, rather than let our government (Obama) use it for illegal immigrant education and/or hospitalization.
Instead I received donations from private individuals who know me and want to help.
So my donations account total is missing one or two zeros and I both can’t buy a minivan or comfortable car for who helps me to drive nor plan to go for several weeks to the PSR gym near Los Angeles.
Since now it’s Christmas time, time to make gifts I hope that the companies that know me because I did business with them will take control of their tax money that must be paid in few weeks often on the assumption of how business will be next year.

WALKING TRAINING



Now that the cast is removed and replaced by a much lighter plastic casting with a rubber bottom that doesn’t slide I’ve started my training to walk again with the help of a Livingston trainer who had me try the hemi-walker like in the picture and even if it isn’t as simple as my wood cane it’s much more stable and gives me much confidence.
As always I’m dreaming to soon be able to walk to the nearby mall and also to fly to distant places by airplane, I intend to go see my family in Verona as early as this coming Easter and go again with Brent and Giorgia in the summer next year.

HEMI WALKER

As I wait to have the cast removed I’ve started walking with a Livingston trainer at home who brought me a walker to use for feeling secure as I walk.
Never I could imagine that something so cumbersome would give me such a feeling of safety and balance, I was convinced that a simple cane could give me the feeling of stability needed but now that I’ve tried the walker I see why it’s so much used and advised.
I’m buying a new one to start using as much as possible while soon I’ll receive an electric wheelchair that’s going to let me go shopping by myself and play with my children when they come to visit me.

CASTING



Now that the Achilles tendon elongation surgery is done I have to be in a cast for about 6 weeks and soon I’m going to start walking with a trainer who is going to come where I live for about 3 weeks, twice a week and after I’ll go to the rehab gym where I went several months ago.
I’m told that I’m still at risk to develop muscle spasticity therefore I’m going to have to wear a brace for my whole life not to let my muscles pull again in the wrong way.
Having this cast has made my mobility with the wheelchair in my apartment uneasy because I must keep the leg extended over a support but at least I have no pain whatsoever, now my focus is on starting to walk again and I’m concerned that because I can’t control the leg I’m getting wrong sensations about how I’m standing and in what position it is.
Like everything in medicine I’ll know how much this surgery has helped me only after the cast will be removed in few months, only God can predict the effect on my body of this surgery, at most a doctor can give a good guess.
In the meantime my daughter Giorgia is painting the cast and I love to be wearing her work of art.

MY LIFE PURPOSE



As the head of my household I always had complete comfort for my family, mainly financially but also in terms of environment to live in, both inside and outside, as goals.
Now that as a brain injured disabled who had to divorce I rearranged my life purpose and its focus on my children, Brent and Giorgia, besides my physical rehabilitation.
My children were born in an environment of total comfort and that’s what I’m going to ensure that they are going to have going forward, as long as I’m around.
A father’s love is more practical than the emotional of the mother and because of that I never imagined my own love to be the same than the one of their mother, but now I can see it and since my children are going to be teenagers soon I want to be present at their side with my experience and protection, that only a real father can provide without ties.
I see my daughter Giorgia as a purebred Lingiardi, not only she has my same skin in color but reacts also in my same way to anything.
Brent too is very determined and focused on what he wants and can do, in short my children can’t be confused with anyone else and my traits are very visible and recognizable.
Given that I’m a 3 times life survivor I may have another 40 years of life, so like my own father I will see my grandchildren in their teenage years.

THE CONCEPT OF THE GAP



The distance between the top of mount Everest and the bottom of the Marianas trench is several miles and it’s impossible to imagine to fall from that peak into the trench directly, however that’s what I experienced, I fell from the top of Everest = company president, to the bottom of that trench = traumatic brain injury.
What’s even worse in my case is to have lost my beloved wife, who replaced me with someone else whose ethics are below that trench, if even possible.
When a mistake in life or at work is made, one recovers by confronting its results and impact on others, then life can go on enriched by the lesson taught by the mistake itself.
In my case however I’m not the victim of a mistake of mine, I surely can see its impact on others but there’s nothing I can learn from it, all I see is the huge gap I must cover to be back on the top of my world.
While my focus is on the goal to be there again my blood boils in my veins because of what’s around me, not clear air and untouched nature but a cheating wife with an unethical bastard and my two very young children lost in the confusion of my replacement.
My fight to recover and close this gap is the hardest trial I’ve had in life so to overcome it is going to show both what type of climber in life I am and my perspective when I look at others.

TIME REFERENCE



My whole life I’ve been always very impatient, to the point that if something didn’t happen in a very short time – hours or days at most – I’d force it to happen personally.
This brain injury has forced the change of my time expectation because it’s been too many years that nothing happens when I want or expect it to.
I’ve been wanting and trying to walk for 6 years but since I’m still on a wheelchair I’ve had to accept that even if a 2 years old can do it, I can’t expect to walk very soon, no matter what I do to regain this ability.
What’s positive about this change in my ‘time reference’ is that I don’t want nor plan to terminate my ex-wife’s lover, I’m just focusing on 6 years from now, when my son Brent will be 18 and Giorgia 16.
I’ll be “midway in the journey of life” as Dante says in his comedy, or 54 with at least 30 more years of life expectation, in case that selfish unethical lover will still be around I’ll do what God will inspire me, my marriage was in a Catholic church and what God unites no man can separate, even legally so since the lover did separate my Godly union, his own are the responsibilities and consequences.

MY FIGHT CONTINUES



I finally had the Achilles tendon elongation surgery, it was after too many years of hopes that some other non-medical therapy could help my body fix the brain and therefore no more spasticity.
Since the whole medicine science is a big guess exercise nobody can tell how I’m going to be 6 weeks from now, once the uncomfortable and unpractical cast I have on my lower leg and foot will be removed.
My shoulder and hand spasticity however is in a much more complicated and risky part of the body, so nothing yet can be done to release it, I dream to regain the control of the hand to be able to play my piano and have even more balance when walking.
I’ve researched what can be done for the spasticity in this area but I keep finding what I had tried already years ago, Botox injection that due to my body defense mechanism isn’t effective at all.
The doctor who injected me with it had guessed that maybe a different Botox strand could be efficient on me, but the whole battle was dropped for sad reasons.
So now Botox looks like my unique option to free my body from spasticity, it requires attempts and only a determined patient like me, with a supporting doctor like mine can take on this other guess battle to free my body from what my injured brain can’t fix.
This is the idea of going around an obstacle that blocks the way, I hope that Botox will be what helps my body go around my injured brain, which seems very natural given that it’s the body that holds the brain inside.

ARTURO BENEDETTI MICHELANGELI



The sister of my grandmother married this very famous pianist and lived to old age in Switzerland, I never met neither of the Michelangeli but I was told that this far parenthood gave me my love for piano with the playing ability, I find it wonderful that even now in this second millennium there are passionate people who study and research my relative, who came to do concerts in Los Angeles many years ago and there is still memory of his playing.
If and when I’ll overcome the hemi paresis that makes my left hand not manageable I intend to start again with my piano playing and do a full immersion in what J.S. Bach composed and became very famous thanks to Glenn Gould, my other idol in piano playing.
I put here on the right few links to sites that talk about my relative who is still famous in the artistic environment.

OPPORTUNITIES



In my research for God I have developed the concept that what a God does is give opportunities, I can pray for hours each day for years asking to be recovered of my brain injury and what God gives me is the opportunity to find the way to best recover, as I’ve said before miracles don’t really happen, it’s our human mind that with focus and concentration makes something very desired to happen and there’s no scientific explanation for that, so here too it’s God that gives the opportunity to our brain to materialize something that’s either needed or wanted.
My injury and subsequent disability is the God-given opportunity to understand life and people at a level that I never even thought possible and that will be my gift to my children and future generations.
This new understanding of how my life has changed and has become gives me the new opportunity to accept things and people that I wanted to kill, or physically eliminate because I considered sinfully wrong.
Now that God – or my own brain – have given me the opportunity to clear my thinking my recovery is going to proceed full of energy, since I’m not wasting anymore any of it on anyone or anything else.

TENDONS SURGERY



In October I’m hoping to have the tendon surgery that I should have done at least 4 years ago, if I hadn’t fallen in love with HBOT.
As experienced doctors have told me, if HBOT really helped recovery from TBI, it would be offered already in every hospital in the world.
So now while I remain determined on my recovery, I’m focused on “official” medical ways to overcome my limitations in the walking disability.
Just like the body never stops to heal itself, the brain never stops to rewire even when injured, so with expert physical therapy I’m going to accelerate the rewiring of the brain to the hemi paretic part in my body.
The picture here shows a surgical technique to elongate a tendon and while it’s just an example I have big hopes to return to independent mobility before year end.

NTAF

NTAF is a nonprofit that helps families address financial hardships arising from uninsured medical expenses related to transplantation and catastrophic injury (spinal cord, traumatic brain).
To help with some of my uninsured injury-related expenses, a fundraising campaign in my honor has just been established NTAF. It is my hope that some of the contributions will allow me to continue my rehabilitation by attending Progressive Strength Recovery in Irvine.
Given that every dollar donated to the NTAF fund in my honor is
tax-deductible, I'm hoping that through your generosity I can one day resume a work normal life and once again be a productive wage earner. I have too much cultural and business knowledge not to put this experience to good use.

ABOUT GOD



I grew up in Italy, the country of the Vatican and growing up I received all the Holy Sacraments so when I got out of the coma I said that I had spoken with Jesus Christ who asked me if I wanted to return living on Earth or cross the death river, I was told that I replied that I had 2 children who I loved so very much that I wanted to continue living, that’s when Jesus warned me that coming back to Earth would have been very painful but I thought that nothing can’t be managed by some Tylenol.
I also thought that I must have committed a bad sin and all I could imagine is that I had cheated on my wife, but after having asked to very many women who used to work with me I realized that cheating wasn’t a sin I ever committed, and I later learned that my accident isn’t a godly punishment for something I had done or thought.
Since I grew up with the teachings of a protective and caring God I started to think that since my accident wasn’t a punishment for any sin I may have committed, I rejected the idea of a loving and caring God and became an atheist and started a research about religions and faiths.
That’s when I discovered Pascal Wager who said something very logical and full of sense, which represents now my faith and belief
1. One does not know whether God exists.
2. Not believing in God is bad for one's eternal soul if God does exist.
3. Believing in God is of no consequence if God does not exist.
4. Therefore it is in one's interest to believe in God."

MY NEVERENDING FIGHT



My endless research for a cure to an injured brain had me find and contact the director of the brain injury program at UCLA.
When I met him I had with me all the MRI’s ever done on my brain since the time of the accident, October ’05.
As he was studying them he asked me several questions about my current and past life, education, medications and interests.
He also prescribed an post-injury rehab program that includes tendons surgery and physical training together with TMS, transcranial magnetic stimulation.
He told me that my disability is in the cortical part of the brain, which explains the hemiparesis but the neurological ability looks good.
This was the first time in years that I meet an experienced neurologist who gives me hope to recover.
He told me to work and asked why I’m not working, he said that I must work because I can get my brain to work properly.
I’m now working on the post-injury rehab program that should have started 4 years ago with the support of my family here, and I’m going to celebrate its successful completion with my children.

PHYSICAL THERAPY



While I wait for the orthopedic surgery to my tendons that have had spasticity, have been tense for almost 6 years I go to the gym at the college here at a course for disabled people, they have very good and helpful equipment to use and even if I’m still waiting for the surgery I exercise what I can anyway.
The major soft tissue procedure involves lengthening the muscle-tendon unit. This usually involves cutting the tendon where it overlaps the muscle belly. This stretches the entire unit which improves the length of the extremity.
I’ve signed up already for the fall session at this gym and I hope to go after the surgery so that I will retrain all the muscles that haven’t moved in so many years.
I plan to also go to PSR progressive strength recovery in Irvine in August where I’ll learn the best exercises to do.

ADDING INSULT TO INJURY



My whole life was dedicated to excellence, when at school I was a very good student and then I had a great career working in the top management of international footwear companies.
In October 2005 as I was exercising riding my bicycle I got run over by a minor without both driving license and adult supervision.
I had just started to work as president of a brand in the Deckers group but the accident gave me traumatic brain injury and I lost my job and the ability to work.
This injury has devastated my life, that of my family in Italy and here, the oldest of my children is my son who was 6 y/o at that time.
The insult added to my injury is my wife falling in love with my former physiatrist in Santa Barbara, I hope her reasons were for desperation and survival instinct.
My two young children are told by their mother that her lover is a “father figure”. They are very confused because they still see and love me as their real father while they are forced to replace me with someone who will always have plenty of TBI victims that never get better and prove him right and successful in his world, a really unethical individual.
I was told of the possibility that this individual is available to my now ex-wife because being a doctor has the instinct to help those in need. What shocks and infuriates me is that it’s common knowledge that TBI victims can improve with family help, all I’ve been doing for years is suffer for jealousy and not being able to educate my children directly.
This insult hurts much more than my injury itself because is really irreparable, I’m now divorced with the goal to take care of my children, who are victims like me.